I will share a little tidbit
about me: I cry during movies (my husband will say sob or loudly weep) but not
when I read books. I don’t know why. In all of the hundreds of books that I have
read, regardless of how emotionally heart wrenching they were, I don’t cry. It doesn’t have anything to do with how
involved I am, I can’t tell you how many nights sleep I’ve lost because I couldn’t
put a book down. Until today there has only
been one exception: The Wedding by
Nicolas Sparks. Now there is a second:
Ethan by Nicole Edwards.
Nicole didn’t set out to make
the reader cry, she set out to tell a story.
Ethan’s story. Unfortunately, it is a story many men share. A story of learning to accept yourself and
love yourself for who you are and of learning to love and let others love you.
It is also a story of bigotry
and bullying.
Ethan is a gay man in small town
America. Not in the closet, not out. Just staying the shadows. Not talking.
Not letting himself feel. Not
letting himself be loved, even by his own family.
That night by the lake is the
reason for all of it. One moment that
was so painful that it defined him despite the millions of good moments before
or since. One person’s bigotry and hate
changing the way he felt about himself and who and what he is. His shame at what happened, his fear of it happening
again and his fear of what he is reflecting on those he allows close to him,
turning him into a loner that separates himself from everyone and prevents him
from letting anyone in.
Beau was right, Gavin was also
a victim and my heart goes out to him. Yes, he stood by and did nothing, but I
am willing to bet that he felt every single blow. The choices he made reflect a
boy who is hurting and, unlike Ethan, appears not to have a family to fall back
on.
The moments in the bar are some
of the most powerful I have read. The
Walkers standing shoulder to shoulder protecting their own. And the Walkers standing shoulder to shoulder
backing Ethan when he needed to stand up for himself. Sawyer’s anger is so powerful you almost feel
that if you reach out you could touch it.
Yet it isn’t really anger, or the desire for revenge, it is an outrage
at what happen to Ethan and by extension the Walkers as a family, at what
happen to Gavin and, although he isn’t aware of it, at what the Bennetts did to
Beau. It is a bone deep intolerance for
intolerance.
Curtis and Lorrie’s love for
each other and their family is equally powerful and real and is almost a
character itself in the books, especially this one. When Lorrie sits with Beau
I wanted to thank her and Curtis’s quiet way of a hand on a shoulder says more
than volumes ever could.
The moment with Zane of
acceptance and understanding was healing.
The moment with Sawyer, their pain, both of them, ripped my heart out. But
it is the moment with Travis that broke me.
The moment when Ethan’s walls came down and he cried and he allowed
himself to feel and to talk and to let it all out.
I loved this book. Beau’s
wonder at each new experience. The way
each man is given a moment, despite being huge, intimidating men, to be small,
and cared for and loved. The fierce
loyalty and quiet acceptance of the Walkers is a thing of beauty. Zane’s moment of clarity, with V’s help, is
touching even as you want to smack him upside the head. And you forgive him his
denseness when he stops being a guy long enough to truly reach out to his
friend.
I love the celebration the
Walkers at have at Moonshines. They don’t
say what they are celebrating even as each one congratulates Ethan and
Beau. I really think they are
celebrating having their son and brother back and celebrating the man who loved
him enough to bring him home.
I love this book. 5 stars. 2 thumbs up.
And a hug for Nicole.
